Is your story holding you back?

Hi Storytellers!

I spent the last few weeks creating storytelling and personal branding workshops. While building the materials, I realized how huge of a role mindset plays when you’re starting to put your thoughts out in the world.

Why? Have you ever felt that uncomfortable itch when writing something slightly revealing? “Maybe, I shouldn’t share this. Maybe, building in public is not for me. I’m an introvert, after all.”

Can you see what’s happening here?

Our story - or identity narrative - dictates who we are, how we behave, and who we become. But we can learn to shape it.

How?

Thought you’d never ask ;)

Storytime

Over the weekend, I walked on stage for the first time with ZERO preparation.

Just trust in myself and my teammates.

Those who know me well wouldn’t believe it if they weren’t there to witness it.

Whenever I speak in front of people, countless hours go into preparation, messaging precision, and slides. It’s all about control.

Not this time.

I walked on stage for fun. With zero expectations. And it was so liberating.

My first improv performance got me hooked for more.

Not only more performances but trusting myself more and getting out of my comfort zone more often.

But it took me weeks of letting go of some parts of my identity narrative to feel liberated and well on stage.

Today, I am excited to talk to you about how to rewrite the narrative that’s holding you back.

How is your narrative identity formed?

Notice the word “evolving” - that means our beliefs and what we tell ourselves should change over time and with experience, right? Not for everyone.

Think of this:

Do you remember when a teacher called you to speak in front of the class for the first time? It probably didn’t go so well. There’s a group of people who would say to themselves: “I’ll never put myself in such an embarrassing situation again.”

And they go through their teenage years and life making certain choices based on the interpretation of that experience. Studies and jobs that have nothing to do with standing in front of people and persuading them. Their brain will find a story, e.g. “I’m a shy person.” And they’ll never question it.

There’s another, much smaller group of people, though, who - despite the same embarrassing childhood experience - win over their fear and are able to let their story evolve. Not only will they learn to present in front of a crowd, but they might become paid keynote speakers.

So, how do you re-interpret or edit the story you tell yourself? You’ll create a new story by learning to deal with change and fear.

The emotional curve of change

Still with me? Now we’re getting to the good stuff ;)

In his book “The Power to Change,” Campbell Macpherson talks about a matrix of 4 different types of change: large or little, self-initiated or caused by external factors.

The way people operate when faced with huge changes follows an emotional curve. When external factors impose a change on you - this is what we call the burning platform change.

Imagine standing on an oil platform in the middle of the North Sea. You look down and see huge waves hitting the platform from all sides—no way in hell you’d ever consider jumping. Now, imagine the platform gets caught up in an enormous fire. There’s no boat or ladder in sight. You have two choices: Burn alive or jump. So you are forced to jump.

This is an extreme example, but it’s how many changes imposed on us make us feel. Below is the emotional journey we go through.

Let’s take the example of our super shy person who never presented in front of people. Imagine they are a software engineer, and their boss comes to them and says: “Our company is in trouble. We need an investor within 3 months, or we will go bankrupt. You need to go and pitch our product at a tech conference in one month. It’s our only hope.”

Here’s what happens next 👇

The difference between people who manage to evolve their story and change and those who don’t lies in navigating from a Denial-Anger-Fear-Depression state to Acceptance and Moving on.

Some people never get through the fear and depression state. They spend their time ruminating about horrible scenarios, stay paralyzed, or become depressed and angry at the need to let go of their “I’m a shy person” identity and step up.

Do you remember my improv story at the beginning? Not all changes have to be imposed by external circumstances. Sometimes, you decide to go through a major transition - e.g. move to a different country, change your job or do an improv class. This is called Quantum Leap Change.

In essence, it follows a very similar emotional curve. This is what was happening in my mind.

Do you wish to get out of your comfort zone and do things even though they scare you more often?

Here are a few tips to navigate your emotions and rewrite the story you tell yourself 👇

3 ways to let go of stories holding you back

1. Accept the negative emotions coming with change

When looking at the emotional curve, our first instinct is: How do I skip to the good part? Well, there’s only one way. Through negative emotions. Don’t repress, ignore, or deny them. Be angry, sad, and grieve when needed, but pick yourself up again.

2. Adopt a realistic lens

Our emotions are scarier the more ambiguous they are. If you feel fear, define exactly what you fear, what can be the worst outcome, and what to do to prevent it. Emotions are not so overwhelming when broken down into small pieces. This helped me a lot when facing fears of going on stage.

3. Don’t fall into self-blame and victim mindset

We are incredibly talented at running away from facing our fears through different coping mechanisms. When going through anger or depression state, don’t hide away from the feeling by making yourself a victim and blaming others or blaming yourself and believing you can’t change. This will keep you stuck and prolong the process till you reach acceptance and can grow.

Did you recognize yourself in the emotional curve of change?

I’d love to hear how you navigate fears and re-write your stories! Just hit reply ;)

Know someone who needs to read this?

Talk soon!

-Dominika